No, you can't have my phone number

[susanreads]

Some people on my reading list are better at writing snarky letters than I am, but then they have more important things to write about (including medical malpractice, OMG). This is just a minor bureaucratic annoyance.

(in a font that pretends to be handwritten just enough to be slightly harder to read than regular type, but not enough to be even slightly convincing):

Dear Ms $NAME

I notice from our records that we don't have your phone number. So that we can keep you informed of our work, could you please send it to us on the form enclosed.
Thanks.

Perhaps my old-fogy-ness is showing, but whatever happened to including a blatantly scanned signature?

There isn't enough room on the back of the compliment slip for everything I thought of saying, so I cut it down to:

Dear unidentified person using naff fake handwriting at $CHARITY,
That is not a very well-written letter. It should start with something like, "Is it OK to call you about [something that gives you a reason for calling instead of writing]?" Then I'd be less tempted to answer "What part of phone-number-not-in-your-records don't you understand?"
Here's an idea: you could keep me informed of your work by post; then you can include pictures, like in the seasonal updates I've been getting for years.
Email also allows for pictures, and is better than the phone in every way, unless you're planning to meet someone face-to-face or cancelling something at short notice.

Susan

I could perhaps be snarkier if I was sure that any of the people who've looked me up in the book, called, been Told, and said they'd remove my number from the records, was from them. Maybe I should start keeping notes.